By Hadley Tarantino, Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist

Pool days, vacation trips, and leisurely mornings dwindle down as summer folds and another academic semester looms. Unfortunately, heading back to school often brings with it common worries like, “Who will be my teacher? Will I be in the same classes as my friends? Am I signed up for enough clubs and extracurricular activities? Will I pass my tests?” Back-to-school anxiety derives from the pressure and fear of facing the unknown. It’s valid, and manifests in a variety of ways for students and parents alike: complaining, lashing out in anger, and quietly withdrawing from others, to name a few. If you’re a parent needing to help soothe an anxious child or high schooler, or perhaps just need to relieve your own anxiety, here are five key ways to free up your headspace and put your student — and yourself — at peace during the back-to-school season.

1. Validate Their Feelings.

Encourage your child to share their fears and thoughts with you. Validate them by explaining that many other people experience those same thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge that these feelings are real. Parents shouldn’t feel the need to immediately jump into problem-solving mode, unless the child specifically asks for help. Although parents should definitely be prepared to listen and validate the feelings of their anxious child, avoid asking leading questions like, “You’re probably feeling pretty nervous for Mrs. Johnson’s math class, right?” Be open to having a casual discussion where your child leads the conversation and feels comfortable in discussing their feelings — good and bad — in relation to school.

2. Plan Ahead.

Start preparing early. If school starts on August 20, the evening of the 19 is not a great time to start talking with your child about what the first day of school will look like. Begin the conversation at least a few weeks before the beginning of school by asking them to imagine what the first day of school will look and feel like. Go shopping for school supplies together in advance. Visiting or driving past the school may be helpful, especially if your child will be attending a new school. Another great way to plan ahead is to role-play potential conversations with friends or teachers. Ask your child what they think possible conversations may be during the first week of school. This can help children feel confident and prepared to handle situations that may arise as school begins.

3. Pay Attention To Your Own Feelings.

Children and teens are especially perceptive in picking up the anxiety of their parents. Ask yourself if you are feeling anxious or nervous about your child going back to school. If you find you are experiencing feelings of worry or tension (even if it’s just a little!), try talking with your spouse, another parent, or a friend. Project feelings of confidence and assurance as your child begins the new school year; alternate validation with confidence, for example, “I hear that you’re feeling nervous for the first day of school, and I believe in you.”

4. Use Art As A Means For Expression.

If your child struggles to articulate or express their thoughts and feelings with words, let them use art as a means to represent their worries about going back to school. Art has the power to calm the nervous system, interrupt rumination, and release stress. There are many stress-relieving coloring books and art sets available. If your child is open to creating art when they are feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of school starting, encourage them to create art that represents what they feel in the moment.

5. Seek Professional Help If Back-To-School Anxiety Impedes Functioning Or Becomes Physical.

If your child’s back-to-school anxiety is affecting their ability to function and does not improve, it may be time to seek a mental health professional. Therapists can find unique ways to reduce anxiety, build coping skills, and encourage children and teens to freely process their emotions in relation to school. Anxiety also may include physical symptoms. Somatic symptoms, like stomach aches and headaches, can exacerbate the problem if parents respond by merely keeping their children home from school. Engaging in avoidant behavior associates these uncomfortable symptoms with school and perpetuates anxiety. Therapists can help children and teens unlearn this avoidant behavior and help to reduce physical symptoms of anxiety.

About the author: Hadley Tarantino is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist. She currently maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, California, where she specializes in depression, anxiety, and trauma-related disorders. She can be reached here or on her Facebook page.